ME

I am now 25 weeks pregnant. I don't quite know how to express my feelings. I feel like a jumble of emotions all mixed into one. In the beginning of my pregnancy I was sick all the time. The nausea never went away, and there were times that I had to wake up in the middle of the night to eat one of those frozen pizzas. Mmmmm they were the only thing to get me through. "Casey can you put another pizza in the oven" :). I got over the sickness at around 14 weeks, and then came the colds..... I have had a never ending cold for about three months. I get feeling better, and then BAM another one hits. I went to my check up and Dr. Nance said that I have really low iron. Hmmm I guess that is my problem, I have a really extremely bad immune system, so any sickness that comes around, I get it. I can think of maybe two or three weeks of this entire pregnancy that I have felt somewhat normal, but then again, who feels normal when they are pregnant. I have really enjoyed this pregnancy, and I have tried to appreciate all of the blessings that I have been given. I really am blessed, so why do I feel so awful?? I have these emotions that could scare off a lion, and I don't think that anyone in my family is appreciating my reaction to things. Casey asked me what I wanted for dinner and I couldn't decide, so he said, "ok I will bring home a pizza" I flipped out and told him that I don't want pizza, I want Glades. I want a cheese burger, and fries. WOW... ok.... Calm down... After I ate my yummy cheeseburger, fries, and soda I felt much better. It is amazing to me that our hormones can do things like that to us. Why does it have to be so difficult. Why can't we enjoy the journey? I have also had feelings of inadequacy as a parent, at work, and as a wife. Why can't I get it all done? Why do I want to crawl into bed and have peace and quiet, and watch Grey's Anatomy reruns all day and eat sugar? There are so many other things in this life that I should be thinking about. So many people suffering from natural disasters, people who don't have homes, or jobs, or family. I need to really take a step back and take a deep breath. I am so blessed. I have a family. I have a job. I have a husband that loves me even though I rip his head off for not doing something just right. I have kids that are healthy and happy and so dang cute. Carson is enjoying school and reading. (I have a child that reads), he is also so creative and won an award at school for having the most creative journal entries. Cade is the most darling thing ever and says "I love you 20 million" every time I am around him. He gives kisses and gets so excited over the cutest things I have a baby girl on the way, that we are so excited about!! I need to get over myself and move forward. I love that writing down words can be so therapeutic and help me through my problems.. I think that I solved my own problems. Ok I'm good....., I will go home now and try my hardest to be grateful, humble, and relish on all of the good things that are going on in my life right now.